BUTCHER LIFE IT IS!
(From the
Tucson Citizen, Tucson, Arizona)
Lest we forget how difficult it is to master this language of
ours, here is a list collected by Air France employees of
attempts at signs in English from around the world.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels
please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read
notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next
day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig (Germany) elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and
only when lit up.
In a Belgrade (Yugoslavia) hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for
wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should
press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically
by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front
desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at
the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with
pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of
the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery
where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are
buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in
the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope
for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red
beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck
let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best
results.
Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes (Greece) tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is
big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
In a Soviet Newspaper:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of
Art by 16,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were
executed over the past two years.
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black
forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and
women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each
other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of
entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested
that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest
Methodists.
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and
spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city
tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even
a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with
nuts.
In a Copenhagen (Denmark) airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all
directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the
USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have
children in the bar.
In a Budapest (Hungary) zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you
have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all
the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but
you'll find they are best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just
condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight,
tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still
obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.