Official Announcement
To whom it may concern:
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will be teh official language of the EU rather than German, which was
the other possibility. As part of the negotiations Her Majesty's
Government conceeded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known
as 'Euro-English'.
In the first year the soft 'c' will be replaced. Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in
favour of the 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan
have one letter less.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome 'ph' will be replased by the 'f'. This will make words like
'fotograf' 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double leters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also al wil agre that the
horible mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgraseful and it
should go away.
By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th'
wit 'z' and 'w' with 'v'. During ze fifz yer ze unesesary 'o' can be
dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kors be
aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After ziz fifz yer ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
mor truble or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu onderstand ech
ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALY KUM TRU!!
Auf wiedersehen!!!